Think of yourself as a resume.
Your past relationships are your work experience.
To have a strong resume your history has to show consistency, improvement, or stability.
Some jobs you lost were your fault, some you left, some were just a means to an end. But ultimately you were to have learned something from each job to better prepare or set you up for the next one.
When we enter a new relationship we show them our resume.
They don’t know the gory details or how things went down, but they know we’ve been somewhere and through something.
But if you want to get the job, you’ll keep it up to date, accurate, clean, and honest as possible.
You want to prove you are right for the job.
However when many people apply, they’ve gained no new skills, they’ve been fired for their own incompetence, or haven’t put any effort into finding a job that suits them.
But still expect the job.
I see love the same way.
Many people are working on old resumes just like they’re operating in old ways.
But still expecting a healthy, positive, lasting relationship.
Love is the job you are applying for.
To get it where you want it, you’ve got to be qualified and do the work.
It’s not showing someone who you are & forcing them to submit to your beck and call.
I don’t have the qualities you need to be happy, but that’s your problem not mine. Because “that’s just the way I am”
Then wonder why relationships fail.
Why didn’t I get the job?
That’s selfish & poor planning.
To show someone who you are & say it’s my way or the highway. Love me like this forever or leave, isn’t really how it goes.
Don’t get me wrong, you should love you. Be comfortable with who you are. And the person you love should accept you. The job you get should want you.
But they shouldn’t have to break themselves because you’re unwilling to change.
A lot of relationships fail because it’s one person chasing the other, not two people pursuing each other’s genuine hearts.
How foolish to make someone make all the adjustments for you because that’s how you are & how you’ve been, when in actuality your resume has been weak for some time now.
Expecting in a new relationship for someone to blindly follow your lead when it’s apparent that your lead has failed you in the past, otherwise we wouldn’t be here.
If your past job was perfect, would you really be interviewing again?
Many times we make it a point to do everything different so we won’t get hurt the same way, we change our approach to love without letting it show itself first.
Putting up walls, guards, a moat, & more as a means to defend ourselves from an expected hurt, without even evaluating ourselves to see what it is we’re protecting.
Doing no research on the job and no personal skill building, but expecting our 401k, vacation days, & a salary increase.
Every new love has new rules, but should remain the same in its nature.
You are loved in spite of your worst characteristics but they are not looked past, you are expected to grow.
If you’ve lost positions in the past because you screwed up, some will understand. You might still be able to rise to the occasion.
Love isn’t about who has remained the same the longest, because to change is a natural part of life.
The person you meet may not be the same person 3 years down the road, and that’s okay as long as they keep the core qualities that got them hired in the first place.
Circumstances change, knowledge adds, people adapt.
You don’t get a gold medal for remaining stubborn and in your old ways, especially if they’ve only gotten you hurt in the past.
Someone can love you in spite of you, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have work to do.
Some people strip for a living.
And I think in some way we all should.
Peel back all those layers of distrust, take off those close minded ideologies, get vulnerable and get real.
Love is about saying
Here I am
Damaged, imperfect, and maybe a little set in my ways but overall
I’m willing to grow.
I’m willing to drop my own baggage to take this trip with you.
Part of self love is admitting there is always room for growth.
Too many people are too rigid with “That’s how I was raised” or “That’s how my parents are”
As an apple, if you know the tree you fall from, you either stay close or roll the hell on and be as far from their poor qualities as you can.
Your mom and dad brought you life, your past relationships have brought you pain or pleasure, but YOU determine how you will treat someone.
That’s your responsibility.
If your trust issues have you checking phones, lurking on pages, or pushing people away because you’re afraid to get hurt again, that’s you pouring your own insecurities on the next innocent person who hasn’t even gotten the chance to show you what they’re about.
Of course, trust is earned.
But if you enter a new place not willing to trust, there is nothing.
No foundation and nowhere to build to.
A person has to go through hoops and hell not just to prove they’re trustworthy, but to fight your demons.
But they’re already supposed to love and look past the distrustful nature you show, the controlling behavior, the acts of manipulation, the lack of compassion?
That’s not how it goes.
Definitely not how you get the job.
They’re supposed to do all the work and you do nothing because this is how you are and always have been?
No wonder your resume is weak.
Somd people who have lost jobs and stay unemployed by continuing to blame a system instead of evaluating their own work ethic.
It’s really something to talk to someone highly knowledgeable about their worst qualities, but they choose not to change them and place blame on others for them.
All in all, keep your resume honest. Keep it organized.
Your history doesn’t have to be extensive, but it should show progress.
Don’t play yourself trying to get jobs you don’t deserve if you’re not willing to do the work to keep them. If you’re not willing to leave bad habits behind to be a better employee. If you can’t acknowledge why the last job didn’t work out.
I used to be upset about jobs I didn’t get, relationships that didn’t work. But now, I know my resume is strong. And that I have no need putting all my efforts into a temp job with no benefits when I could have the career of my dreams.
Chase the the “job” you want for your lifestyle, the one that’s good for you. Assess your qualities, your downfalls, your strengths & weaknesses. Do your research & in the process of interviewing have trust that the job you choose, will also choose you and thus support your life and it’s needs. If you fail or it fails you, just add it to your resume, learn from your mistakes, and give yourself time to apply again.
Your dream job is out there, but you have to earn it too.